July 8, 2024

“Grief is like glitter.  You can throw a handful of it in the air, but when you try to clean it up, you will never get it all.  Even long after the event, you will still find glitter tucked in the corners.  It will always be there somewhere.”

My dad hated a dirty house.  It was his way of coping with my mom’s ever declining health amidst her battle with ALSP.  He couldn’t control the decline.  He couldn’t control the change in his life.  But he could control a clean house.

At least once a week, my mom, who was homebound, had friends come by for a visit.  Some friends would bring lunch.  Others would prepare a simple craft to do with my mom.  And some came by for a nice chat.  These interactions were vitally important to my mom’s well-being as her health declined.  But they added stress to my dad.  He wanted the house in perfect condition when the visitor arrived and when the visitor left.

One day, my mom’s best friend came by with a special craft.  Christmas was approaching and this thoughtful friend had come up with a wonderful, meaningful craft.  It was a craft to engage my mom at her level.  It was a craft to connect mom with her beloved grandchildren.  It was a craft to create a lasting memory for her grandchildren.  My mom was thrilled!!!  The only downside was to complete this craft, glitter was needed, a lot of glitter.  And we all know, where there is glitter, there is a mess!

Most mom’s will understand this sentiment.  Don’t stress the mess.  Make the memories!  And that’s just what my mom and her friend intended to do.  

They laid out all the supplies – clear, plastic Christmas ornaments, glue, glitter, and letter stickers.  Carefully, my mom’s friend helped her squirt glue inside the ornament, swirling it around to cover every inch of ornament.  Next, they chose the appropriate glitter color.  Each grandchild got their favorite color in their personal ornament.  Mom’s friend helped her pour the glitter into the ornament, once again, swirling it around to make sure glitter clung to glue that had previously been spread.  Finally, after the glue and glitter had dried, they worked together to spell each grandchild’s name on their respective ornament.  The finished products were spectacular.  So was the mess!  Can you imagine 5 different colors of glitter sticking and floating through the house?  Needless to say, my dad was not pleased, and I know he was cleaning glitter up for months after.

Mom was so proud that she completed this craft.  While it may seem simple to you and to me, it was a real challenge for her.  At this point in her illness, she was wheelchair bound, did not have good use of her arms, hands, and fingers.  She struggled to follow simple instructions.  But she wanted to make these ornaments for her grandkids.  She loved them.  She wanted a tangible reminder of her love that her grandkids would have for years to come.

Mom and her friend boxed the ornaments up and mailed those ornaments, those labors of love, to each grandkid.  When my kids opened that box and realized what it contained, their joy was uncontainable.  Their grandma had made them something special.  They had their own Christmas ornament!  Grandma had made that ornament with their favorite color!  Their name was on the ornament!  There’s nothing better than knowing that your grandma knows you, loves you, and sends you something special to show you how much you mean to her.  My kids couldn’t wait to hang those ornaments on the tree.  They displayed them proudly.  

That was my mom’s last Christmas with us.  She passed away the following year.  But the ornaments, the memories, and the love remain.  The first Christmas without mom was hard, but bringing out those ornaments and hanging them on the tree brought smiles to all our faces. 

Grief is like glitter.  It is messy.  You can never clean it all up.  It will always be there.  Hopefully, when you find that rogue piece of glitter you can remember a happy moment, a memory made.  And I hope it is also so with grief.  Alongside grief, I hope you can remember the happy moments, the memories made, and the love shared.

When we pull out those ornaments, we will never fail to embrace the glitter, embrace the grief that still lurks in the corners, embrace the memories of my mom, and embrace the love that she poured into us.